I used to think about all the ways love had fucked me over. Nowadays, I think more about how I’m too fucked up to love. These thoughts are actually the same thought, and that thought is, “I’m bored.” Not much is going on in my personal life. I feel no passion for anyone around me. Sure would be nice to think about something other than work and food.
In fact, love has been fairly cordial to me. I’ve loved and been loved back (it was great!). I’ve loved and not been loved back (it was shitty! But great, too, in a longer-term sense). Maybe someone has loved me who I haven’t loved back (I probably shouldn’t hope so, but I do).
Oh, and I’ve known passion! Passion is the best. I wouldn’t want it all the time, but if I could get it intermittently for the rest of my life, that’d be excellent. Passion is like a Ghandi’s roti that way.
To be honest, there’s no way I’m too fucked up to love. I have a few “issues,” but I’m still reasonably loveable, and if I met someone who was worth working through my “issues” for, I’d go right ahead and love them. To say I’m too fucked up for a relationship is like saying I’m not fun enough for Disneyland. I just haven’t had a reason to go.
I’m glad I took on this mantra, though, because thinking you’re too fucked up to love is by far the most self-serving way to think of your romantic life, and it feels amazing. Being too fucked up to love means that nothing will ever be your fault again. And it means that you’re a winner.