I felt really great about myself this summer. Every day it was awesome spending time with me, and I had to take it on faith that I am a shitty person in many ways. At a certain point I thought, “What kind of jerk likes herself this much?” Then the smarter brain, which was my favourite brain, said, “Enjoy it while you can, because in a month you’re going to think you’re a shitty person and have to take it on faith that you’re even OK.”
Well, the smarter brain was right, even though big whoop. Right now I am a whiny whiner with a whining problem. I am dissatisfied with myself and everything I do. I feel like everyone I know is making fun of me, which is both crazy, because no one gives a shit, and not crazy, because actually believing that is a good way to get people to make fun of you.
I’m not trying to whine. I’m just describing the phase I’m in. It’s a good phase to go through, because even though it makes you a bummer, it prevents you from being a jerk who likes herself too much. Also, thinking you’re shitty helps you get better at the million things you suck at.
I don’t understand why phases have to be like pirate ship rides, though. Why can’t we all go through just one phase, in which we act upon honest assessments of our strengths and weaknesses? I think it’s because music would be a lot more boring that way, and no one would ever finish their novels.