I have been feeling a certain way lately that I want to find the right song for. But I don’t know any songs that work for it. The only song that comes close is a Feist song. Feist is great but I can’t have my song be a Feist song. Someone reading this might say, “Who cares if it’s a Feist song? If you like the song, just have that be the song.” But they don’t get it. It’s not even an exact fit anyway.
If I found the right song I’d listen to it over and over and over again. I’d think I was getting sick of it, but then I’d put it on once more and the cycle would begin anew. No amount of listening to that song would ever seem like enough. It would hurt not to be listening to that song. What would be great is that I could always listen to it again.
There’s nothing else in the world you can do that with. You can’t do it with movies or books because they take too long. You definitely can’t do it with food. And the fact that you can’t do it with places or people is the reason you need songs to do it with in the first place.
Half the time, at least. Sometimes you just really like the song.
I don’t believe in astrology, but I also believe in it. You know what I mean? I choose to believe in it because it’s fun. Also, it’s nice to be told what to do sometimes, if the person telling you is authoritative enough. The cosmos aren’t a person but that gives them more authority.
There’s no harm in believing your horoscope. I will take slightly more pleasure in life if I think I’m going to come into some money in the near future. And if my horoscope tells me to do something reasonable, why wouldn’t I do it? For example, if my horoscope tells me to be extra friendly to people this week because that way I’ll get money, I see no reason not to that. If it tells me to kill a cat or all my friends will die, I won’t. But horoscopes never tell you to do things like that because all the horoscope writers probably want to get syndicated.
I think believing in astrology is actually a good thing, because it reminds you that you can believe in something and also not believe in it. It’s good to be reminded that your brain is not just one brain but a bunch of brains all hanging out. It helps you feel better about all the fucked up things the rogue brains think.
Another thing it does is remind you that your brains don’t necessarily have to agree. For example, one brain might think someone is an idiot and deserves to die. But another brain knows that brain is just angry at something the person said or did, and it’s unfair to draw conclusions about someone’s character based on a perceived offence. Likewise, one brain might think that being born on a day makes you the same as everyone else born on that day, while another brain might think that’s insane.
Finally, believing in astrology is a good thing because it teaches you that pretty much all characteristics apply to everyone. For example, I’m a Gemini. That means I like having good conversations and that my brain is actually more than one brain. Both are true. But I’ve heard that moon signs mean more than sun signs. My moon is in Capricorn, which means I like to work hard on stuff I’m interested in. That’s true, as well. Believing in astrology helps you focus on certain characteristics rather than others. If you don’t do that, you might start to feel like you are no one.
At the end of the day, horoscopes are just a way of managing your million brains. I think that’s also what the self is for.
I’ve taken lot of iPhone pictures this summer. It’s kind of pathetic, actually. Snapping pictures all the time is the equivalent of saying, “Hey guys. Doesn’t this feel great, being young like we are?” And then repeating it again and again until everyone gets really self-conscious.
But that’s exactly why I keep snapping pictures. I feel like maybe I’m at the summit of my youth, and that for the rest of my life, when I think of my twenties, I’ll think of this time right now. It’ll never happen again, so I need souvenirs. Pictures are souvenirs. Meaning is also a souvenir. Because if you can’t have your youth again, you can at least feel like you were a part of something lasting and historic.
Everything is lasting and historic in some way, but that doesn’t mean people will care about it. If they do care, they probably won’t find meaning in the parts you found meaningful. No one will ever want to hear about the time you went pool hopping and everyone was there, or the time you climbed onto the roof at St-Viateur Bagel at 5 in the morning.
No one, that is, except your kids. Kids are incredibly interested in their parents’ twenties. My dad once spent half an hour telling me about the time he saw Jethro Tull in Kitchener and I hung on his every word. That Jethro Tull concert is part of my heritage.
Kids want to think of their parents’ youths as lasting and historic, because it means that they are part of a lasting, historic lineage. Also, because it helps them make sense of who their parents are as people. But the joke is on them, because they will probably never really know.
I’m still not sure if I want kids, but I do want people to one day be interested in the minutiae of my young life, and to think it’s all super important. If that ever happens I will have lots of iPhone pictures to illustrate it for them.