I am in Montreal right now. I got here last Saturday. For the first week, being here was bliss. Right now, being here is good. By next week, I expect that being here will be OK bordering on shitty. That means things are going right on track.
I want this trip to end badly because I don’t want leaving to feel like the end of the world. The palatial apartment I’m subletting is way better than the storage closet I call my apartment. The only way I could feel alright about going back is if ghosts came out of the walls here and told me I was in grave danger if I stayed. Working at some cafe where people are drinking beer at 3 in the afternoon is way better than working in my dark, freezing office, where a solitary beer constitutes a party. To want to come back, I have to start feeling like Nic Cage in Leaving Las Vegas.
People are always saying things like, “Keep it short and sweet.” That doesn’t make any sense to me. Why would you want things to end while you’re still enjoying them? The whole point of enjoying things is to finish enjoying them. Otherwise you will be haunted forever by the enjoyment you cut short and will never have again. If you enjoy the shit out of something to the extent that you can’t enjoy it anymore, you will not feel bummed that it’s over.
That’s why I think it’s best to end things on a bad note. People think this taints the entire experience, but that’s insane to me. Who judges an entire experience by the final five minutes? If I have an amazing dinner and my stomach hurts afterward, I don’t think, “Boy, what a lousy dinner.” I think “Boy, that dinner was amazing. Now it’s time to stop eating.” Same goes for relationships. I don’t want to sit around moping for a million years because the relationship ended before I wanted it to. I want to be glad it’s over. I don’t know about you, but I think it’s better to be glad than sad.
That’s pretty much why I’m in Montreal right now. I came here for two days last November and had an amazing time. It hurt so much to remember that amazing time that I had to come for another two days. I had an amazing time and it hurt so much to remember that amazing time that I had to come for three weeks. I’d better be totally sick of Montreal by the time I leave, because I’ve used up all my vacation time.