When I was eight, I had a ghost club. The idea was to talk about where ghosts could be and then search for them, but it was like pulling teeth trying to get everyone motivated. One day I planned us a big search. I made an itinerary and came to school prepared by wearing a hockey helmet. People leaned over the railing and laughed at me as I walked up the stairs. The rest of the group didn’t want to search for ghosts after that.

That’s a shame, because can you imagine if we had found a ghost? It wouldn’t have been a real ghost, but we wouldn’t have known that. We were eight. Eight-year-olds want to believe in ghosts more than anything. Since they don’t know how the world works, it’s much easier for them to believe they’ve found a ghost. My window for finding ghosts is now closed, because I am an adult and I have a working knowledge of how the world works and it doesn’t include ghosts. If, at eight, I had convinced myself that I had found a ghost, I might be less of a skeptic.

A world haunted by ghosts would be awesome. Not just awesome in theory, but actually awesome. For one thing, ghosts are a way better thing to be haunted by than bed bugs. For another, if we were all haunted, we’d make way better small talk. Finally, the existence of ghosts would mean there is life after death. Wandering the earth trying to spook people is a lot better than nothing forever.

Believing in ghosts is a less flakey way of believing in an afterlife. It sounds weird, but imagine you were at a party and someone said, “Yeah, I totally believe in Heaven and Hell.” You would probably take them with a grain of salt after that. But if they said, “Yeah, I totally believe in ghosts. When I was eight I found a ghost and I’ve been haunted ever since,” you would probably be interested in hearing more about it. It might even make them more attractive.

You can’t really be an adult and just start believing in ghosts, unless a seriously ghostly thing happens to you. But I doubt seriously ghostly things actually happen. The only way to believe in ghosts is to find one as a kid. I suppose if you had a near-death experience as a kid you could keep believing in Heaven and Hell. But that would require you to almost die, and that’s not something any eight-year-old should go through.

So it’s very important for eight-year-olds to be proactive members of ghost clubs, for their future peace of mind.


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