There’s a voice in my brain that I don’t know what to call. It’s the voice that says, “Keep eating the saag paneer!” even though I’m full. It also says, “Get in a relationship!” even though I’m really OK. And, once I’m in a relationship, it says, “Hey, imagine you got married! Make it last forever!” even though love doesn’t usually last forever and I’m not sure I would even want to be in a love that lasted forever.
Obviously, this voice is a holdover from the olden times when food was scarce and sex always made a baby. Another feature of life back in the olden times is that it was short and hard, so once you got into a life groove, you didn’t say “Fuck this” and look for another one just because you were bored. You would die out there.
Nowadays you can get out of a groove and reasonably expect to find a new one without dying. You can change your career without ending up in the poorhouse and getting TB. You can move to another city without dying of influenza on the three-year ride there. But you can’t expect whoever was in the old groove with you to come along. Say by some weird magic, you get together with someone with the same taste in grooves. You still need to have babyless sex with each other, and after a while you probably won’t want to anymore.
So that’s what love that lasts forever looks like. Either you’re yelling at each other from different grooves, or you’re in the same groove, not doing it.
It would be way better to have a ton of loves that last as long as they’re supposed to. But there are three problems with this. One, everyone has to be on board for it to work. If you are in a loveless marriage at forty-three, you have to be willing to get divorced so that we can date. If not, where does that leave me? Two, women still want babies and we can’t have them past a certain point. Having a baby is probably really hard if you’re not in a love that’s supposed to last forever. Can I get serious for a moment? Universal daycare is really important. Now I’m back to being silly. Three, most people get tired out around middle age and would prefer to just stay put in a groove with a love that lasts forever, even if it’s dull.
Personally, I don’t know what the heck I want. Passion is the best, but it really takes up a lot of your time, and it sucks when someone you’re passionate about decides to mosey on over to another groove. It’s a lot easier when passion just fizzles out and you become best buddies who never do it. At the same time, doing it is awesome and I hope to keep doing it for as long as I live. I don’t want to be locked in a groove with some shmoe.
Doesn’t really matter what I want, though. You can’t control these things. I could end up with eleven babies and the dullest shmoe of all time. Or I could die alone in a groove that became a ditch. I’m kind of interested to see.